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englishteacher6
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i-luv-english



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Posted: 15 Oct 08 (17:10)    Post subject:

hi cud u please mark my essay and give me some tips to get better...i hope to aim for excellences. thanks!

Question: Describe the ending in each text. Explain how the ending helped you understand an idea (or ideas) in each text.

In the short stories The Outsider by Graeme Lay and Yellow Brick Road by Witi Ihimaera we see several similarities in the endings of each story. In The Outsider underline the titles of both stories all the way through the story ends with Karl leaving Kaimara without a single word to Justine, who is left alone and pregnant with his child. On the other hand in Yellow Brick Road the story ends with Matiu and his family reaching the ‘Emerald City’, Wellington; this however isn’t necessarily good, and his family and he begin to doubt if they made the right choice in moving to Wellington. endings very well described but if this is your intro - you need to also have a 'signpost' to the examiner of what will be in your essay, so another sentence or two about what the idea/s are that you're helped to understand in the endings. You also need to hint at what the 'several similarities' are.

The Outsider’s ending was one that was quite poignant and negative, in the way that Karl left Justine without even a goodbye note. Leaving her with a child to raise on her own is quite a disastrous thing to happen, and of course no one ever thinks that it’s going to happen to them. This negative and quite catastrophic ending helped me understand better the portrayed idea of how naïvet�© and hasty decisions can be almost detrimental in some cases and that everyone needs to be careful before rushing into things. If we look back we can see that everything between Karl and Justine happened so fast, “It was September, and they had known each other for five months, when she learned that what could be was true.? When we think about how we rush into things we realize how foolish it can be, yet all of us do exactly that without a second thought in different situations. Another aspect that can contribute to making us think that everything is peachy and rosy is the fact that when things are rushed, such as Justine and Karl’s relationship, everything travels on an almighty high, “Half the winter passed. The beach and the little house became their entire world.? However when everything suddenly comes crashing down we realize the fact that everything went well should have been an indication to know that something was actually very wrong. This ending is also very similar to that of Yellow Brick Road in which the ending is also negative, but perhaps with a deeper meaning to it. Well described and explained. Could this be broken into two clearer paragraphs though?

In Yellow Brick Road we see at the end, when they say who 'they' are reach Wellington something that should have been a happy occasion, was instead one of almost fear. The fear of the unknown, “I begin to feel scared. If we ever want to, will we be able to find our way back?? The ending leaves the reader with a sense of portentousness, we know that something bad is definitely about to happen, but it leaves us dangling in mid- air with the question of what exactly that ‘bad’ event is. The ending helped me better understand the idea of how everything, every single event, leads up to the finale, the big ending. Is this really a main 'idea'/theme? In the case of Matiu and his family, the signs along the road to Wellington were signs to let them know that they really weren’t supposed to go to Wellington, the mystery is not why they continued on, but rather what will happen when they begin to settle down to life in Wellington.

Overall it is the negative endings, which is the common thread running through both the stories; which leaves us thinking about why each event took place. However each story is also unique and different because in the case of The Outsider the bad event had already happened, we were simply left wondering ‘why?’ On the other hand Yellow Brick Road left us with a sense of foreboding, with the bad event not having taken place yet, it makes us delve deeper into the meaning of the story and leaves us with our own individual ideas about what could happen next.
Make sure you include the key words from the question in your conclusion.
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englishteacher6
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englishteacher6
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Posted: 18 Oct 08 (16:17)    Post subject:

Hi i-luv-english

An interesting, well-written essay. Good stuff. See my comments on your essay above.

Try to avoid 'chatty' phrases like peachy and rosy /dangling in mid-air

Keep up the great work
et6
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caitlinrox



Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Posts: 20

Posted: 18 Oct 08 (22:21)    Post subject: English short text esssay

Hi! I was wondering if you could read through my essay and find anything to improve on.

Thanks!


Describe two interesting language techniques in each text.
Explain how each technique helped you understand each text.

In the poems ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ by Wilfred Owen and ‘The Soldier’ By Rupert Brook, there are two language techniques that I find interesting. These techniques are the antithesis and connotations used in ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ as well as connotations and personification in ‘The Soldier’. In this essay, I shall describe the techniques mentioned and explain how each technique helped me to understand the two texts by comparing and contrasting both poems.

In the poem ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ by Wilfred Owen, the author uses an antithesis effectively by contrasting ideas and images to give his poem the feeling of balance. Owen uses religious images and war images side by side in the poem, both which couldn’t be more opposite. He utilizes ideas of church, like “What passing-bells…? which refers to the bells used at a funeral church service, while associating them with weapons and violence. The quote “demented choirs of wailing shells? is used to relate the bombshells of war with the church choir through personifying the bombshells by giving it the characteristics of a choir such as wailing. This technique was helpful to my understanding of the text as it reinforces the message that war is a form of sacrilege against God himself. It shows that man can use his hands to worship the “Creator of life? or to recklessly bring an end to lives of many, the diversity proving it to be an antithesis.

Both poems use connotations in such a way that helps me understand the text, but both uses of connotations are entirely opposite. One, ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’, uses it in a negative form. It provides images of madness and dementia coming upon the soldiers in result of fighting in the war. It degrades war instead of promoting it, unlike ‘The Soldier’ which makes fighting for war sound patriotic, and dying for your country a worthwhile sacrifice. ‘The Soldier’ uses terms such as “There shall be in that rich earth a richer dust concealed; A dust whom England bore…? to make war fighting sound somewhat prestigious. These very different connotative pieces both produce two opposite images of war but both help me understand each of the poems. It is understandable, in ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’, that poet Wilfred Owen is using his poem to show the horrible effects of war while Rupert Brook uses his to show how important fighting at war is to him.

Throughout the whole poem ‘The Soldier’, Brook uses extended personification to create the idea that England was a motherly figure to the soldier in this poem. He uses phrases such as “…A dust whom England bore,? giving England characteristics only available to a mother as only mothers can bear a child. The whole idea of England as the mother continues throughout the poem, in both the octave and sestet of this sonnet, as it is extended personification. The personification suggests that England gave birth to the soldier, resulting in him having to dedicate his life and all he has to that country. This personification shows that Rupert Brook loved his country and wanted to glorify it and direct his poem towards its honour.



Although the poems have very different opinions, both poets use language techniques to support their opinion behind their poem. The use of antithesis, connotations and extended personification provide understanding to the meaning behind the poems. They help me realize the poets’ attitude to war and its results, both good and bad.
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englishteacher5
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mdynasty607



Joined: 03 Sep 2008
Posts: 67

Posted: 19 Oct 08 (21:55)    Post subject:

Hi...ummm i was wonder whether it it absolutely necessary, when writing the essay, to include a paragraph comparing the 2 texts...like this

intro

story 1
story 2
story 1+2

conclusion

im more used to just answering the question for each text respectively but i heard somewhere that a comparison between the two demonstrates "perception"
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englishteacher6
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Posted: 20 Oct 08 (7:44)    Post subject:

Kia ora mdynasty607

Good question!

Have a look here: http://www.studyit.org.nz/communicate/viewtopic.php?p=86540&highlight= structure+short+texts+essay#86540
for an indepth discussion from last year I remember about short story essay structure.

The main thing to remember is that the examiners mark to the achievement criteria: http://www.studyit.org.nz/subjects/english/english1/4/achievecriteria/ which doesn't require you to compare/contrast the texts. However, if you feel it'll help you to:
Quote:
make mature observations and respond personally to the text

make conclusions throughout the essay to give a unique and /or an original response


then sure, go for it!

Best thing to do would be to have a look (use search forum) at some other people's 1.4 essays, then have a go at practising yours - and post here for us to comment on.

Hope that helps! Good luck and keep up the hard work.
englishteacher6
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Manifest



Joined: 03 Jul 2008
Posts: 392

Posted: 22 Oct 08 (22:43)    Post subject:

Hi all,

Just wrote a practice essay for this standard. If a ET could check this and give me some feedback it would be awesome . The question is one from my mock exam that I thought would be a good question to write a practice essay on.

Describe an important idea in EACH text which is relevant to real life.
Explain why each idea is relevant to real life.

A failure to look at the consequences of your actions and greed are the two central ideas in the poems "Sunstrike", by Douglas Livingstone and "Mrs. Midas", by Carol Ann Duffy. The two ideas mentioned above shape the outcomes of both poems and are extremely relevant to our daily lives through a variety of different ways. All of us at some point in our lives experience greed and have failed to look at the future implications of our actions. So both ideas are extremely relevant to us in real life.

The idea of a failure to look at the consequences of your actions was clearly evident in the poem 'Sunstrike'. The prospector went into a desert to look for gems and forgot to prepare for the harsh conditions the desert presents. Greed was the driving factor that caused the prospector to go into the desert in search of gems and it completely clouded his judgment as the desire for gems took hold of him. This caused him to hallucinate before his inevitable death as his brain showed him "projections" of the gems he could never have, "A handful of alluvial diamonds leered back". Similarly, in 'Mrs. Midas' the two aforementioned ideas were also present. Mr. Midas was driven on by his greedy feelings for wanting gold. This clouded his judgment so he did not look at the effect the ability of the "golden touch" would have on his future. The failure to look at the consequences of his actions did not just affect his life but also of his wife Mrs. Midas. Due to the golden touch, they can no longer share their intimate relationship they once had in their "halcyon" days. Both texts, having shared the similar ideas: of the failure to look at consequences and greed really helped me understand that in real life you should always think ahead and try to see the underlying effects of your actions. Something, which may seem good to acquire now (like gems for the prospector or gold for Mr. Midas) may actually be a bad thing in the long scheme of things.

Failure to look at the consequences of our actions and greed are the two central ideas shown by Livingstone and Duffy in the two texts. In 'Mrs. Midas', the character of Mr. Midas acts as an allusion to how some people in our society is today. Some people in areas such as business are especially greedy and are driven by the ambition to obtain money. A failure to look at the future implications of current actions is something teenagers do a lot of so I can relate to this easily. Duffy in particular wants us, as readers to understand the fact that when we fail to look at the consequences of our actions not only do we endanger ourselves to those "unseen" consequences but also others around us. Livingstone however expressed how you should not let a feeling or an emotion control you as this inhibits your ability to think of anything but this feeling or emotion.

A failure to look at the consequences and greed are two ideas extremely relevant to real life as they can have a widespread of negative effects on our lives. As both poets expressed the same ideas I have learnt that you should never let anything cloud your judgments as this will prevent you from looking past your actions and seeing their effects (and not following in the footsteps of the prospector and Mr. Midas). One particularly bad choice can not only severely damage the life you have but also the lives of others around you.
-----------------------------------------------------

EDIT: Sorry about not adding space, I copied my essay from microsoft word so I thought the spaces would come in by themselves . Thank you for your comments, will keep them in mind.

This took me 41 minutes, so I know I should speed up a bit. But hopefully, speed will come with practice. I need to know if what I am writing is right first .
Thanks,
Manifest
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englishteacher7
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Joined: 19 May 2007
Posts: 546

Posted: 23 Oct 08 (11:07)    Post subject: Sunstrike and Mrs Midas

Hi Manifest,

Your essay addresses and answers the question very well. The main comment I would make is that your paragraphs are not very obvious, so your essay seems a bit unstructured. I think you have included them, but you have not missed a line for a new paragraph so it can be confusing to read. Also, you could link to real life examples, rather than just writing about 'real life' for example the current international financial crisis, or environmental pollution as a result of peoples greed.

Hope this helps, ET7
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Master Chief



Joined: 27 Oct 2008
Posts: 6

Posted: 27 Oct 08 (13:32)    Post subject:

Hi there, I was just wondering if you could possible help me.

I'm currently doing the short stories 'In the Rubbish Tin' and 'Big Brother, Little Sister' and I'm trying to do an essay on settings. Though I'm finding it quite difficult as I've never done a settings question.

Describe an important setting or situation in EACH text.
Explain why this setting or situation is important to help you understand an idea (or ideas) in EACH text.

In 'Big Brother, Little Sister' could the setting be Wellington and that it help me understand the idea that child neglect still exist in our nation?

In 'In the Rubbish Tin' could the setting be the rubbish tin Phillipa shelters in? And that it helped me understand the idea of parents neglecting their children by not providing the necessities of life?

Greatly appreciated as I really want to cover as many essay questions possible!
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i-luv-english



Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Posts: 40

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i-luv-english



Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Posts: 40

Posted: 27 Oct 08 (17:30)    Post subject:

hi again...heres yet another essay. could u please give me some tips? thanks!
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Englishteacher10
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Posted: 27 Oct 08 (19:41)    Post subject:

Hi Master Chief

You're on the right track especially with the 'idea'.

In 'Big Brother, Little Sister' could the setting be Wellington and that it help me understand the idea that child neglect still exist in our nation?

Can you be more specific about he setting? i.e. It's Wellington but where and when?
In 'In the Rubbish Tin' could the setting be the rubbish tin Phillipa shelters in? And that it helped me understand the idea of parents neglecting their children by not providing the necessities of life?

I don't know the story but I think to setting you're thinking of would be difficult. Presumably the character is in a specific 'situation' to be hiding in a bin in the first place. The topic does allow you to discuss a 'situation'.

Now have a go at writing an essay.

ET10 [/url]
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Englishteacher10
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Posts: 926

Posted: 27 Oct 08 (19:41)    Post subject:

Hi i_luv_english

You've been busy and the hard work is paying off. I've attached you good essays with some suggestions.

I hope this is helpful.

ET10
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jay93



Joined: 26 Oct 2008
Posts: 40

Posted: 27 Oct 08 (20:00)    Post subject: poetry

hey ,can you please check my essay on poems 'refugee mother and child' and 'midterm break' and give me some feedback

the question is "describe and important idea in each test and how you were shown how this idea wasi mportant
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Master Chief



Joined: 27 Oct 2008
Posts: 6

Posted: 28 Oct 08 (15:13)    Post subject:

Hi, I'm trying to write some essays, but unfortunately I can't as our teacher doesn't let us take the short stories home. This prevents me from using quotes thus will obviously mean a 'Not Achieved'. Does anyone have any quotes for the short stories 'In the Rubbish Tin' or 'Big Brother Little Sister'?
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englishteacher5
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Posts: 3379

Posted: 28 Oct 08 (19:28)    Post subject:

Hiya Master Chief

Ask your ET if you can borrow the stories and photocopy at school and then return them. They are not that long.

The other thing you could do is to see if your library at school has a copy of Apirana Taylor's short story collection - both these stories appear in collections of his stories.

Alternatively - copy a couple of quotes the next time you are in class. It is REALLY important that you re read the texts so that they are fresh in your mind. However evidence does not have to be a quote - it can be an example from the text.

ET5
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starfish153



Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 97

Posted: 29 Oct 08 (16:38)    Post subject:

Hi, I just got my mock exams back and this is my short story essay that I did. Could I please have some feedback? I got achieved.

Thanks
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englishteacher
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mdynasty607



Joined: 03 Sep 2008
Posts: 67

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (0:02)    Post subject:

ive written an essay and i would appreciate all constructive criticism. thanks

Describe an important idea in EACH text.
Explain how you were shown that this idea was important in EACH text.

In "Big Brother, Little Sister" by Witi Ihimaera, an important idea is the inescapability of violence shown through imagery and metaphors. In "Rongomai does Dallas" by Briar Grace-Smith, an important idea is the emotional damage of child abuse by using metaphors as well.

Ihimaera highlights the theme by using the extended "bird" metaphor along with violent imagery to reflect how the children are "trapped" in this violent and abusive society resembling caged birds. For example, Janey "flutters into" her brothers arms as the "bird" metaphor emphasises the vulnerability of children in an already dangerous world. Whilst using the imagery and more metaphors of a macabre nature, Ihimaera shows that the children are witnessing a world where violence is nearly endemic. During their journey, the children meet a man "with a smashed face screaming through a red hole". They then come across a group of bikers described using the metaphor "helmeted harpies with high silver-chromed wings" with "black scarves from their necks like clotted blood". This shows the themes importance as it allows the reader to see the terrifying environment young children nowadays are surrounded by as they are amidst the barbaric world of adults. Ultimately, Hema's decision to return to his mother was motivated by his realisation of the inescapability of violence. This is because he ran from home in pursuit of safety, yet he witnessed a world which appeared no different, if not more dangerous. Hence, the metaphors and violent imagery were used by the author to give us a chance to understand that to deal with family abuse, it needs to be discussed in the wider context of a violent society.

Rongomai does Dallas By Briar Grace-Smith employs metaphors to demonstrate the theme of the emotional impact of child abuse. The author used a metaphor to describe the scars of Dallas' childhood as "spirals carves into his face". Here the spirals represents his rough and twisted life as a result of his troubled upbringing. The "scar" is important because it helps us to understand that violence and traumatic experiences "engraves" itself into a person permanently, because the psychological effects of child abuse does not subside. Dallas' eyes were also "dulled and yellow where they should've been white." as he had to abuse drugs to ease the pain of his past, which once again reinforces the impact of the "scars" from childhood. The author's purpose was to highlight the impact of family violence as the metaphors "yellowed eyes" and "spirals" both represent the everlasting damages of child abuse.

Both Ihimaera and Grace-Smith have employed language techniques such as metaphors and imagery to show us the importance of the theme, which is the inescapability of violence, from "Big brother, little sister". While the theme of the emotional damage of child abuse in "Rongomai does Dallas" was also well presented.[/u]
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jay93



Joined: 26 Oct 2008
Posts: 40

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (17:22)    Post subject:

thanks et^^

i edited the text,can u please chek it again
thanks
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Englishteacher10
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Posts: 926

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (17:36)    Post subject:

Hi Mdynasty607

Great work. I've attached your essay with some comments. Keep up the good exam prep.

ET10
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Englishteacher10
Expert Teacher



Joined: 27 May 2008
Posts: 926

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (17:44)    Post subject:

Hi there Jay93

There is some great analysis here of some of the techniques and their effects. I've made a few comments on the essay. I hope you find this helpful.

ET 10
 Topic: 1.4 (90055) SHORT TEXTS post all your essays/Qs here
###



Joined: 30 Oct 2008
Posts: 13

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (19:19)    Post subject:

Please could i get someone to check my attachment essay? thanks!
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englishteacher
Expert Teacher



Joined: 05 Oct 2005
Posts: 3179

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (20:58)    Post subject:

Kia ora starfish153

I have written some comments on your essay attached. I suggest you read each text again carefully and consider major aspects such as character, theme, symbol and made additional study notes. See these links for ideas:
http://www.studyit.org.nz/subjects/english/english1/4/subjectcontent/

To help you with your essay writing look at the criteria carefully:
http://www.studyit.org.nz/subjects/english/english1/4/achievecriteria/
The main difference between achieve and merit is:
Quote:
Convincing understanding means you are able to prove how and why specified aspect(s) of the texts are important, significant, relevant, or unique in a comprehensive, sophisticated, or persuasive way.

Supporting evidence means using accurate and relevant quotations, statements of events, and discussion of characters and their characteristics in order to answer the question in depth.


This link will help with your essay structure and planning:
http://www.studyit.org.nz/subjects/english/english1/4/subjectcontent/a nswer-question.html

Keep working hard,
ET
 Topic: 1.4 (90055) SHORT TEXTS post all your essays/Qs here
Englishteacher10
Expert Teacher



Joined: 27 May 2008
Posts: 926

Posted: 30 Oct 08 (21:02)    Post subject:

Hi ###

This is a very good essay. Your detailed support is impressive. I hope my comments are helpful.

ET10
 Topic: 1.4 (90055) SHORT TEXTS post all your essays/Qs here
Montaio



Joined: 05 Aug 2008
Posts: 24

Posted: 1 Nov 08 (11:09)    Post subject: 1.4 draft essay.

Can you please look at this for me. I am struggling with the 1.4 essays and would like some feedback.

Thanks
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###



Joined: 30 Oct 2008
Posts: 13

Posted: 1 Nov 08 (11:13)    Post subject:

Thankyou for marking my essay:)
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subin



Joined: 07 Sep 2008
Posts: 202

Posted: 1 Nov 08 (16:42)    Post subject:

Hi EnglishTeachers
could you please check my essay and give me some tips .I think my essay is kind of long .

Describe an important idea in each text. Explain how you were shown that this idea was important.

In the poems ‘Disabled ‘and ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth ‘by Wilfred Owen, the author has introduced two important ideas. The poem ‘Disabled’ reveals the terrible effects of war on soldiers while ‘Anthem for Doomed youth’ highlights that soldiers do not get a proper funeral. These ideas are shown to be important through the effective use of language techniques such as alliteration and metaphors.

The idea that war has terrible effects on soldiers is shown in the poem ‘Disabled’ by Wilfred Owen. The poem was written after Owen joined the army. “Why don’t they come and put him into bed “reveals that was has a lifelong negative impact on soldiers that were involved in the war because many have lost their arms and legs. These soldiers will no longer be able to walk or use their hands again.?To-night how the women’s eyes/Passed from him to the strong men that were whole? shows us that disabled people are ignored. The idea is present in the poem which shows that that there is a terrible effect on soldiers involved with war.

The idea that war has a serious effect on soldiers is shown to be an important idea in ‘Disabled’ through the use various language techniques such as alliteration. Alliteration of the line “... legless, sewn, short at elbow “in stanza one highlights how terrible soldiers injuries were. The line shows that the soldier has lost his leg during the war and is now ‘disabled’. The alliteration reveals that there are terrible physical effects of war on soldiers. This language technique emphasises the fact that these brave soldiers have endured much torment to protect their country. This idea has taught me that if I was forced into war and returned “disabled? then I would have to suffer mentally and physically for the rest of my life. It also tells us that we should respect and honor these brave soldiers even more as they dedicated their life to protect the country.

In the poem “Anthem for Doomed Youth “, the idea that soldiers do not have a proper funeral is developed. The poem was written by Wilfred Owen. In the poem he highlights the fact that soldiers do not get a proper funeral. The line “What passing bells for these who die as cattle “in stanza one reveals that there were many young soldiers that were easily killed. These soldiers didn’t get a proper funeral because they were involved with war. Owen has used many religious words in his poem to farewell the dead soldiers that did not get a proper funeral.

The idea that soldiers do not have a proper funeral is shown to be important an important idea in the poem ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ through various language techniques, including repetition. The repetition of the word “No? in line “No mockeries now for them, no prayer nor bells “ shows us that the dead soldiers will not have any traditional funeral. If they were not involved in the war they would have a traditional funeral with prayers etc. The repetition is showing what the soldiers are missing out if they die in the war. Through this poem Owen warns us that we shouldn’t go into war as it a waste because people die for no reason.

In both poems “Disabled “and “Anthem for doomed youth “by Wilfred Owen, important ideas are developed. Owen suggests that war has a terrible effect on soldieries in the poem disabled and because of their suffering we should pay more respect for the brave things that they have done to defend our countries. This is done by his effective use of Alliteration. He also reveals to us in the poem ‘Anthem for Doom Youth’ that many soldiers that die in the war do not get a proper funeral. He does this through the effective use of repetition and alliteration. In both these poems it shows us that war is a horrible thing and it is a waste as many innocent lives are lost.
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